Today I went shopping for some blue jeans. I love my jeans and have more than any one girl needs. This is the problem at hand. None of them fit me. Not one pair. I had refused to buy any new ones because this would mean I would need to purchase a larger size. Not part of my plan.
While I was doing chemo the new protocol is a medication that keeps you from being sick. Don’t get me wrong I am so happy that the nausea was mild and I didn’t have to live in the bathroom the entire time I was being treated. I always thought that chemo would be like on the movies when the sick person was so sick and weak from vomiting they would be on deaths door. Not at all was it like that, I was really sick but just didn’t have to worry about not eating because of this medication. The medicine was expensive; some don’t get it because their insurance company doesn’t cover it. I was fortunate and did receive this medication that is a steroid. Not only did I take this one but I also had to take prednisone because I was so allergic to the treatment. One of the kids ask me why I didn't get big muscles from the steroids, not the right kind of steroids. These steroids made me so hungry that I would eat and then be sick from the food and them just want to eat more. It wasn't fun, chemo recall was something I had been warned about. What happens is you eat one of your favorite foods and then it makes you feel sick. Then every time you try to eat that particular food it makes you feel ill again. I lost the desire for some of my favorite foods.
When I was first diagnosed my first thought was to find something good in the situation? I thought I would for sure lose a bunch of weight, that would be positive. Not so! It seemed so cruel, I was bald, pale, and fat with scares on my boob. I reminded myself of Uncle Fester, you know who I'm talking about.
During treatment I gained sixty pounds, what! I couldn’t believe it! It seemed like I just woke up one morning and it was there?
I have gotten back on an exercise routine and went to visit a nutritionist I’ve lost seventeen pounds and everyone of them were harder to lose than any routine I have ever been on before. My stamina is not at all what it used to be and I find myself getting pooped out really easy. Some days I have to make myself move.
Today I decided to embrace the body that I have now and continue to work on being healthy and feeling good. I know it’s only a matter of time before I will be back in my old jeans but for now I purchased two new pairs of blue jeans. I give thanks today that I am alive and well and able to wear my bigger blue Jeans.
