Wednesday, January 19, 2011

"Cherubs"


January 19, 2011
Cherubs
Angels are spiritual beings, often viewed as divine emanations of the Supreme Being. Angels are believed to be intermediaries between human beings and God. Although different groups of angels may have specific functions, all angels appear to praise God and attend to his will. Angels appear to carry out God's will, both in heaven and on earth. Cherubs are one of several types of angels. They are mentioned in the Bible.
I found this definition of a cherub on the internet and you may be wondering why I would want to share it with you. I love angels all kinds from the tall beautiful ones to the chubby cherub type. I like to look at them and I love the stories of them I like everything about them. My mother collected angels, I have a few that belonged to her and they remind me of her. She was like an angle on earth.
When I first found out that I would be having chemotherapy I started reading everything I could get my hands on. (Doctors don’t like you to do that, gives you too much information and makes you ask a lot of questions). Several articles I had found talked about women having chemo for breast cancer would gain weight. No Way! Chemo makes people skinny? Not so, seems the added steroids and different types of meds used will most likely add pounds. I think I have been on a diet most of my life,(even when I didn’t need to lose weight). As I have mentioned I had already gained some weight after finding the dreaded lump and panicked at the thought of gaining another ounce.
At my pre chemo appointment it was one of the first questions I brought to the oncologist. He simply said “NO” chemo does not make you gain weight. OK, that’s what I wanted to hear, but what about all the articles I had found? My doctor knows everything I need to know so I was going with him. Isn’t that what we have always been taught? I like to trust and believe the man with the expensive education who I have decided to trust my life with. This wasn’t a stubbed toe! This was big stuff! My family and friends thought I was being really silly worrying about my weight at a time like this, who cares what you look like, this isn’t suppose to be a glamorous time. I did start to gain weight, no matter how hard I tried you just can’t diet when you’re doing chemo you just eat what you can when you can.
Maybe this was my first thought, if this doctor couldn’t be straight with me about something so small, what about the big stuff? I would wish that my doctor would always tell me everything and be brutally honest with me. I think in his defense he and his surgeon buddy had decided if they didn’t tell me all, it was better for my personality type. Not so.
One of the articles I stumbled over described a woman going through chemo for breast cancer as a “Cherub” as you know they are fat little angels with round bellies. I not only feel like a cherub but a bald one at that. I get weighted every morning, (I always have) and although I have gained it’s not too bad. And I know I have sometime in common with the Cherubs, I to love to praise God!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Brenda Lee 1960






I’m Sorry, So Sorry……….I really am sorry for posting yesterday…………not sure it’s a day I even want to remember, but that’s ok cause I can only remember parts of it anyway. For me I feel like I have had a glimpse of what it feels like to be slowly positioned, not good! Anyway enough of that, yesterdays gone. I wanted to talk about,” what do you say when you go to visit someone that is doing chemotherapy treatment?” The people that came to visit in the beginning had a hard time looking me in the face, not all but most, and then they would say “I’m Sorry” and then what was I suppose to say? I would say, “It’s going to be ok” or “no need to be sorry” I have had some real sorry visitors. No pun intended! Don’t get me wrong, I Love visitors most of the time, but beware, if you haven’t called ahead! Some people are so taken back by breast cancer and its treatment that they decided to not even address it. I think for those of you who haven’t come to visit or even called you need to know something; I have breast cancer not cooties! You can’t catch it, and yes I do look different, some days more than others. And believe me today I look pretty scary! But getting back to being serious, I am a really nice person but when I feel this bad it can be really frustrating and I do get irritable. My visitors could be very dangerous to me right now because of the flu, strep throat and other viruses that are going around right now. I don’t want to sound like a broken record but as I have said before, chemo kills fast dividing cells and its working to kill the fast growing cancer cells and at the same time it is killing my white blood cells, the ones you need to fight off infection. So it wouldn’t be a good thing to catch something now. As this day begins to wrap up I can feel my body trying to heal itself, the chemo sick is still very strong but starting to become a little more tolerable.Just sayin.

:( Not Happy :(


January 17, 2011, well, to put it bluntly has really sucked! I feel so miserable and I don’t care who knows it! That being said, I will do this post and hope that you still continue to come back, because if it were me reading this I wouldn’t. But isn’t that what this is all about? Chemo, chemo, chemo, is that all I have on my mind? Yes, Yes, and Yes! This being day number four of my third chemo treatment with the new chemo medicine, I hoped I would feel better, but I don’t. Martin Luther King day, so no work for the husband, I am thankful he was here and took care of me all day long, I am blessed. The insertion of the picc line trauma has caused so much bruising, it looks worse than it is, but still really sucks.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Happy Birthday Rachel


January 16th 2011, the last couple day haven’t been too bad, of course the steroids get started on the day of chemo and then for two days after. They keep me awake and feeling alert. The new chemo medicine is harder on the stomach but I can deal with it to avoid all the stuff that came with the first doses. So today is the third day after so another crash day for me, my day has been long and I worked on this blog endlessly. I’m happy I had something to do, today is Rachel my middle daughter’s Birthday and the get together at her house for the birthday celebration and the Seahawks game was not in the plan for me. Some of the kids are just getting over the flu and that’s the last thing I want to do right now.

Chemo Treatment Number Three


I waited in anticipation as the new chemo drug slowly dripped into my new picc line. The chemo nurse had explained that if I would be allergic it would happen right away. I was fine; they gave me lots of ice chips and were happy and friendly. If I have to do this I may as well try to smile. I try to never wish the days away, each day is a gift with something new to learn but its hard now to feel that way I am looking so forward to this chemo journey being over.

The Picc Line


January 12th 2011 was the day scheduled to get the picc line, and yes I had search the internet and learned all about it. I was just a little nervous because I had never had something like this but everything I had studied said it wouldn’t hurt and was quite an easy procedure. It was a short outpatient procedure to be done at the hospital. It was rainy and nasty out so my daughter and I left early. Soon I was on the table with two sweet older ladies explaining to me what they were going to do. I just wanted to know would it hurt, I was so tired of hurt, and I still am. She said they would numb the point of entry and then I wouldn’t feel the rest. She had just put one in a man before me and it just took 10 minutes. OK I could do this! Well an hour later and three tries to three different veins, they were finally successful in placing my picc line, and yes I felt it. I’m not sure what went wrong, I guess I just have to do everything the hard way, But it was done and my chemo treatment number three was scheduled for the next day.

Its A New Day


January 4th had arrived and this was the day I had scheduled to see a new oncologist. When I walked into the clinic I was greeted with smiles and happy chemo nurses, Yea! Now all I needed was a doctor that would listen and talk to me in a way that would not rub me wrong. And I found him, after he gave me an examine he explained that some of the chemo meds I had been on were causing an allergic reaction. Two more treatments with a new chemo medicine would be the plan. I knew it would still be hard but without the hives and other added stuff I really didn’t have to deal with and what a bonus only a hop skip and a jump from home, not that I could hop skip or jump right now, but that will come later. The new chemo meds are also hard on the veins so I would have to have a picc line put in. Now that didn't sound fun.