January 27, 2011
I had an appointment scheduled to see my oncologists at 2:00 today and I was happy to get an opportunity to see him and ask some questions. As I was looking in the mirror I noticed that my arm with the picc line and now the blood clot looked red and swollen. I became very anxious and infection was my first thought, O Lord what next? I had to take a moment and tell myself that God is with me. I have had a problem feeling God close to me, I can’t explain it but I have struggled. It’s a feeling of despair that I can only explain as being so sick that I’ve been lost in the illness.
Sure enough the doctor confirmed that my arm was now infected and that the pic line needed to be removed. This thing has given me problems from the day they put it in; I was more than ready for them to remove it. He explained that It looked like I was allergic to the pic line and that is why I have had so many problems. He also confirmed that the clot was small and it shouldn’t give me any problems and then he said the words I had waited for, No more CHEMO! He believes it is doing me more harm than good and the treatments I did receive should be efficient. I couldn’t praise God enough! I had been so worried about my last chemo treatment I wasn’t sure if I could do it one more time.
Now I have been released to the radiologist for the next five weeks, and I’m ready. I have a short break before my first appointment so I hope I can get back to feeling good before starting the next phase of my treatment. I guess the side effects from radiation are nothing compared to the chemo, thank God!
As I sit and think about how hard the last couple days have been, it reminds me of a familiar poem and know that God has been carrying me.
I had an appointment scheduled to see my oncologists at 2:00 today and I was happy to get an opportunity to see him and ask some questions. As I was looking in the mirror I noticed that my arm with the picc line and now the blood clot looked red and swollen. I became very anxious and infection was my first thought, O Lord what next? I had to take a moment and tell myself that God is with me. I have had a problem feeling God close to me, I can’t explain it but I have struggled. It’s a feeling of despair that I can only explain as being so sick that I’ve been lost in the illness.
Sure enough the doctor confirmed that my arm was now infected and that the pic line needed to be removed. This thing has given me problems from the day they put it in; I was more than ready for them to remove it. He explained that It looked like I was allergic to the pic line and that is why I have had so many problems. He also confirmed that the clot was small and it shouldn’t give me any problems and then he said the words I had waited for, No more CHEMO! He believes it is doing me more harm than good and the treatments I did receive should be efficient. I couldn’t praise God enough! I had been so worried about my last chemo treatment I wasn’t sure if I could do it one more time.
Now I have been released to the radiologist for the next five weeks, and I’m ready. I have a short break before my first appointment so I hope I can get back to feeling good before starting the next phase of my treatment. I guess the side effects from radiation are nothing compared to the chemo, thank God!
As I sit and think about how hard the last couple days have been, it reminds me of a familiar poem and know that God has been carrying me.
Footprints
One night I had a dream--I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord and across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints, one belonged to me and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of my life flashed before me,I looked back at the footprints in the sand.I noticed that many times along the path of my life,there was only one set of footprints.I also noticed that it happened at the very lowestand saddest times in my life. This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,you would walk with me all the way,but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my lifethere is only one set of footprints. "I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,you should leave me." The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trial and suffering. "When you saw only one set of footprints,it was then that I carried you."...Mary Stevenson
