My Brother

I don’t remember the first time I meet him, my childhood memories didn’t start until he was about a year old. By that time I was just about four years old and it seemed he had always been there. At that time, I had two older sisters and a little brother. I loved him with all my heart and was very protective of him.


I remember my father being so happy to finally have a boy, after three girls he had finally hit the jackpot. He was a sweet boy and loved by all of his older sisters. He and I had a special bond and were best of friends. He was all boy and loved getting dirty building things and playing with worms and bugs, And even though I was a girly girly he was still the apple of my eye.

When we were grown we went out into the world to start our lives and he continued to make me proud. The day he returned home and I saw him in that uniform, I knew he had changed and was now a man.

When our mother passed he came to give the eulogy. I know it was hard for him, having three older sisters and one younger sister sitting in the chapel staring at him from behind dark glasses. But with his strong and confident voice he delivered wonderful words to make all of us feel better.

When I was sick this last year I always tried to find good in the situation. Some may find it hard to believe but when the world slows down and we have time to reminisce it can be a true gift. I love to remember the footprints in my mind and to revisit my childhood.

Time has passed and everyone is busy doing what they do but I will always remember my childhood friend, my baby brother.

You've Come A Long Way Baby

With each day that comes and goes my body is getting stronger and stronger. Some days I feel better than others and its strange how some can be so good and others so bad. I'm glad to report that most days are good ones. When I stay active I seem to feel better but its not always easy to keep going. I sleep more than a normal person should and I know it's the chemicals from the treatment still leaving my body.

In 1978 I was involved in an accident that left my body broken, the break in my back had came so close to ending my ability to walk and my left leg was broken in so many places the doctor's didn't know if it could be saved. As time has gone by the old injuries have given me some trouble but for the most part I have done well. I was to have knee replacement surgery but it had to be put on hold because of the breast cancer. The treatment for the cancer has caused the injuries to be magnified. I have a bit of a limp but am thankful that I am able to walk.



In a writing class I had taken I was given an assignment to write about a day that had changed my life. I would like to share it with you.



One Saturday Night

Life can change in the blink of an eye and this night would prove to change my life forever. My story begins on a Saturday afternoon, much like any other Saturday. The loud ringing of the phone brought a sense of excitement as I waited to hear from my new boyfriend. His band was playing on the Island, and he was hopping I would be there. After convincing my older sister how much fun we would have, we started to make a plan for the night out. My girlfriend called and she and another girl had met some guys that drove a van. How perfect! We could all ride together and save money on the ferry ride to the Island.



The music in the bathroom blared as we sang along and fussed over our hair and makeup. As I slipped on my new white jeans, I could hear a car coming into the driveway. The blasting of a horn followed and I knew the party had already started.



It was 1978 and the van was really a cool ride. The outside had a mural of a mountain in brilliant colors. The front seats for the driver and passenger were the only seats in the vehicle. The rest of the van was open except for a bed against the very back. All of us fit comfortably into the van. It was perfect; counting myself and sister there were ten passengers in all.



After boarding the ferry, we quickly made our way to the upper deck and soon we were underway. As the large boat rocked back and forth, I gazed out over the water and felt a wonderful sense of peace. A sense of peace that at that very moment seemed jaded as I recalled to myself that the driver of the van had starting drinking before we had even made it to the club. I quickly convinced myself everything would be okay



The music was loud and we danced and danced some more. Before I knew it, the night had come to an end and it was time to get back to the ferry terminal. We knew there was no time to waste because the last ferry of the day would leave at 2:00 am. As we drove down the dark windy road, the driver realized we were lost and I suddenly felt a sense of panic. Soon we were back on track and heading in the right direction. The driver realized he wasn’t going to make the ferry on time unless he sped it up. The van accelerated and started slipping around corners as we began to go faster and faster. The passengers in the van all started to cheer as they anticipated the arrival at the ferry dock. As we rounder the last corner of the road and could see the water ahead, the driver lost control of the van and the vehicle slid to the right; until it came upon a Union 76 station pole, where it found its final resting place.



I don’t know how much time passed but as I started to wake up I realized I was lying face down on what felt like cold metal. I sensed something warm on my face, as I wiped it away; I could see the blood on my hand and knew it was coming from my nose. It was quiet and peaceful and I was out again, to a place that I don’t have a memory of. I woke to the voices of men, as intense pain set in once they started putting my broken body on a board. The next thing I knew, it was very cold and the sound of a helicopter was all I could hear. Time passed very quickly with only short pieces of my memory intact.



The next day, the newspaper reported the worst accident in history to occur on the island. The driver of the vehicle was intoxicated and the estimated speed of the van when it collided with the pole was 70 miles per hour.



Two of the passengers in the van died that night. The driver was dead at the scene and the other died 30 minutes after the accident. One of my close friends had a severe head injury and died a few years later. My sister and another girl walked away without a scratch. The rest of the passengers had their own story to tell. I ended up spending almost six months in the hospital and the next year in a wheelchair, then on crutches. My body was never the same. Because of this, I now have a new appreciation for life and every experience that comes with it.



I started talking to my kids at an early age about wearing seat-belts, something we never did back then, and more importantly to never get in a vehicle with someone who has been drinking. I made some really bad decisions that night and because of that my life has been changed forever.



( I can't believe the things we didn't know about smoking back then) We Have Come A Long Way!

Chemo Curls

Chemo Curls 


I have hair; it’s really different hair, not at all like it used to be. When it first started to come in it seemed normal but very soft and new. Now that it is between two and three inches long it has started to curl? My first thought was how much I wish my mom were alive to see this. I can remember when we were little girls; she must have always wanted us to have curls because she always gave us perms. I can still remember the smell.

I had heard this might happen but wanted to understand why, so I found an article that explained this strange part of treatment. Chemotherapy not only changes your body chemistry, it can also have an effect on the texture of your hair. This means when your hair does return, it may be different from the hair you once knew. When your post-chemotherapy hair is curlier than you remember, it is called “chemo curls”. Because chemotherapy drugs have also penetrated the roots of your hair, and will continue to do so as long as the drugs are in your system, I may need to get used to curly hair for awhile. Chemo treatments may also affect the color of your hair but normal hair should return in six to twelve months.

Some I have talked to say they still just wear wigs and hat because they don’t like the color or the curls. Not me, I’m so happy to have hair again it can come in any way or color it wants. I didn’t like being bald, it’s just not my style

Tag A Long

Tag A Long

June 23,2011


The sun showed itself for just a short time today but it was a good day to say the least. I had to see my oncologist this morning, he gave me a good report and said he would see me in four months. Those were nice words to hear and it gave me a happy and thankful feeling.

My oldest grandson and his little brother were going to go to Renton to a card shop in the afternoon and wanted to know if I could pick them up from the shop later in the evening so they could stay and play a game with cards they collect. I agreed and would wait to hear from them.

My phone rang and my grandsons were ready for me to pick them up. The sun was setting as I drove down hwy167, the clouds were parting and the sky was breathtaking. I love the sunset on a clear day but with the clouds it can become very interesting. Today the clouds parted just enough to let the sun through adding all kinds of colors and a ray of sun that looked like it was coming straight from heaven. When I’m in my car alone it gives me a perfect opportunity to talk to God and give thanks for all the beauty that surrounds me.

When I pulled up to the card shop the boys were waiting outside for me and it warmed my heart to see them. With five years of age separating them the younger one looks up to his big brother and big brothers are not always nice to little brothers. I was happy to see them spending time and having something they enjoy doing together.

On the drive home the boys talked about the games they had played and the different cards they would like to have. I listened to my older grandson give his little brother tips on the game and the types of plays to make. I have three granddaughters and four grandsons. The girls and I have so much in common, we love to shop and do girl stuff together, I have a blast with them and love them all dearly. The love I have for the boys is so different, they melt my heart and I have this crazy proud grandma thing going on whenever I see them and believe me they know just how to use it to their advantage.

Of course the older boy was in the front seat and his younger brother was trying his best to be heard from the back seat. My older grandson made a comment that he was going to meet up with his friend at the card shop the next day. When his brother heard this he piped up and asks “Can I Tag Along” his brother tried to ignore him when he ask again “Can I Tag Along” I don’t think he ever answered him and it was as if he knew not to ask anymore and just hope that when the time came he would be invited.

The conversation took me back to when I was young with two older sisters and my dad would say, let her Tag A Long. They never wanted to but knew they had no choice. After dropping the boys off at home I drove and thought about those days when I was the Tag A Long and how grown up I would feel when they would take me with them. Now they are my best friends and I wonder if my grandsons even know that when they spend time together they are spending time with their best friend.

My Mountain

Sometimes I feel like I’m climbing a mountain and can’t seem to get to the top. On Tuesday when I went to have my Biopsy I felt like the mountain that has been in front of me suddenly had gotten bigger. Just when I thought I was at the top the top seemed farther away than ever. I have to say this time was not near as scary as the first time, something about the fear of the unknown that makes it harder. This time I felt like a pro. I didn’t even take the little pill to make you relax and take the edge off. I didn’t want the entire day to be ruined again with that dopy feeling.


When I arrived at the Breast Center I soon found myself in that room again with women sitting in white robes staring at magazines. When my name was called the nurse laughed when I ask her if it was my turn for my facial. I really love how this place looks like a spa but is so far from it. This biopsy was much more difficult than the first one. My first tumor was close to the surface, this spot was near my chest wall. The nurse located the spot and the doctor started to numb my skin and deep into the tissue of my breast. It wasn’t fun and it took almost an entire hour for her to finish the procedure. I asked God to be with me and to give me peace.

I am happy to announce that the results are in and I Praise God the lump is BENGIN no cancer. Now I have been told by some that I am brave and that I am strong and I never really felt like I was either. But today I feel both and I am at the top of my mountain.

PS Thank you for praying for me and my family, we are Blessed by You!

I Said A Prayer For You Today

Waiting is so hard, this entire experience has made me become more patient but I still get butterflies in stomach when I get a call from one of my doctors. The phone finally rang and it was his nurse calling to let me know that he would like for me to go ahead with the biopsy next week. She explained that if this spot is truly a cyst then a marker would be put into place so that follow up mammograms would show the spot that had already been tested and not always be a question. They will give me my results for this test next Friday during a scheduled appointment I have in the late afternoon.


Next week I have my appointment scheduled at the Carol Milgard Breast Center in Tacoma. This is the biggest center I have ever seen dedicated to just breast health. The last year I have made many visits to the center and this is where I will have my biopsy this time as the spot is very small and these guys are the experts. The MRI’s, mammograms and the ultra sound’s have all been kind of a blur to me as I was so caught up in my condition. Last week at my visit to the center I started to notice my surroundings. This place resembles a spa, and its appearance on the outside is very beautiful. At this particular appointment I had been placed in a room with several other women that had mammograms and something in question had been seen on the test. The next step was to get an ultra sound so that a decision could be made to do a biopsy. I tried to look at a magazine and relax but found it really hard to concentrate. Thoughts started flooding my mind of the day they had first found the lump in my breast. I looked around the room at the faces of the other women in the room and could see and feel the presents of fear that filled them. Breast cancer doesn’t care who you are, there was young women old ones fat ones and skinny ones, all of us facing the same fear. I was different now and realized it at this very moment. I knew what was on every mind in the room, is it benign or malignant, has it spread to my lymph nodes? Will they have to take my entire breast off or will I have a lumpectomy? Has this cancer spread to other areas of my body, how will I take care of my family? Will my husband still love me with changes and scares my body will have forever? For some it was just the beginning of the journey that I have already started.

One girl stood out to me from the time I saw her. I could tell by the look on her face she was terrified. She must have been about the same age as my oldest daughter, somewhere in her middle thirties. She was a beautiful girl with long curly hair and a long slender body. She ended up in that room with the rest of us waiting for an ultra sound and was called into a room about the same time as myself. As the appointment ended I found myself in a dressing room putting clothing back on when I could hear someone crying. It was a quiet cry and a feeling of sadness ran through my entire body. When I left the dressing room she and I locked eyes and I could feel her hurt and I wanted to tell her she would be ok and she could do this but the words wouldn’t come. She was on my mind the entire day.

Yesterday as the day ended I said a prayer for the young woman and asked God to keep her near to him and to carry her as he has done for me.



I said a prayer for you today, and knew God must have heard.
I felt the answer in my heart, although he spoke no words.
I didn’t ask for wealth or fame, I knew you wouldn’t mind.
I asked him to send treasures of a far more lasting kind.
I asked that he’d be near you in all things great and small, but it was for his loving care I prayed for most of all.

God Bless

Giving It To God

June 9, 2011


After being diagnosed and treated for breast cancer I suppose it takes time to be able to relax. Nine long months have come and gone since the day I discovered that scary lump in my breast. Now in this stage of the game I have been busy with all the doctors that have been involved in my journey to get me cancer free. It’s been the time that I have looked forward to after a long road and it’s been nice to have my little reunions. I’ve heard lots of congratulations’ and definitely more comments on my new hair than I can count.

Last week I saw my surgeon for my final follow up appointment and he asked me to have a mammogram and an ultra sound so he would have on file what he called a baseline. He explained that this would be a good thing to have so that in the future we could compare any other suspicious findings and know if there had been any changes to them. In the beginning of my treatment a breast MRI had shown two small places that had caused him concern in addition to the tumor that we knew was cancer. He had actually asked the center to do biopsies on them but they assured him they were nothing but tiny cyst. When he performed my original lumpectomy he actually removed one of them because it was so close the cancerous tumor and it was just as they said absolutely nothing.

Yesterday I attended my palliates session and then made my way to Tacoma to my scheduled appointment at the Breast Center. Mammograms are never fun, some of you will agree but they are really not fun when you have a boob that has been through two surgeries and all that radiation, ouch! Next was the ultra sound and half way through this test the technician left to go fetch the radiologist that could read what she was seeing. What now! She explained that she thought it was the same little spot that was seen months ago, when I was told it was just a cyst but she would like to do a biopsy on it anyway? I made the appointment for the procedure to be done next week and was on my way home.

As I started down the freeway I said a little prayer and asked God to be my co pilot, my mind was all over the place. Then the what if’s started to take over. What if we had just done those biopsies in the beginning? What if the surgeon had just removed that cyst at the same time as my original surgery? What if it is cancer? What if I have to do all this treatment again? By the time I arrived at home I had come to the conclusion that I would call my surgeon and just ask him to remove the lump, I decided that I would not let this spot that is now in my left breast haunt me another day.

Now as I wait for a call from the surgeon I give this all to God, all the worries and negative thoughts, I will pray away and if you would remember to say a little prayer in my behalf I’m sure this will all be over soon.

I will keep you posted!