Baby Bald Eagle

January 30, 2011

What does a baby bald eagle have to do with anything, well let me tell you? I have been so excited about my hair growing back in, I have read every blog conversation posted that I could possible find. I may be jumping the gun from what some of the conversations have said. One of the chemo medications that I had in the beginning causes women to never have hair growth again, really. I guess this chemo treatment is one of the newer forms of chemo and these women have a whole site of women that have this problem and are trying to sue the makers. One of the ways you know your hair might not grow back is if the top of your head gets shinny. Now I’ve been busy every time I see a bald man to check out if the top of his head is shinny and guess what they are. And I don’t think they shine them on purpose, but I’m really not sure. I think it might just happen! My head is not shinny so I guess that’s a good thing.

Other sites talk about how long it took for their hair to return, some seem to take longer than others and some seem just more positive than others. I have read that your new hair will come back curly or even a different color than you had before chemo.

I’ve tried but only found a few who talk about this hair that is growing on my head right now. It would remind you of the feathers or baby fuzz on top of a baby bald eagles head, I’m not kidding. At first it was a little alarming all this fuzzy stuff growing on top of my head, what in the world would I do with this. Seems it’s just the hair follicles being confused, they don’t know what they are suppose to do and they have no pigment so they have no color and supposable this would go away.
So I purchased some really expensive shampoo and conditioner to help with hair growth and am hoping for the best. I’ll post a picture a soon as I have some hair to share!

A Cold In My Nose

January 29, 2011

If you ever have to do chemo theropy make sure to do it in the summer time or any season other than the cold and flu season. I have been careful all the way back to October when I started having surgery to stay away from anyone feeling under the weather. My family has been diligent in making sure when the kids have had even just a little sniffle they didn’t come to visit. I have pretty much become a hermit; I think I can count the times I have been out on one hand. I’ve missed out on the kid’s birthdays, family get together and church just to mention a few.

Despite all my efforts it happened anyway, I have a cold in my nose and it is so magnified.
Most of my visitors have been thoughtful and careful not to come over when they were not feeling well. When I had to start going to the lab for blood test every day because of the blood thinners, I had some concerns. The first thing I thought of was, I have to sit in this room with all these sick people waiting to get my blood work done. Not Good! I finally by chance was able to get them to let me go to the back and wait when I complained about the smell in the room. Seems when women get older they start to lose their sense of smell so, they put on lots and lots of perfume. When I walk into the room with three or four of these ladies I start to turn green and almost lose it. If you’ve ever been pregnant it’s kind of like morning sickness all day long and smells can really set me off.

I did spend some time trying to clean my bedroom today, it was actually comical. I started out on my feet sorting clothes and soon realized I could do this sitting down so I sat on the floor to finish. Buy the time I decided I was finished I was laying on the floor sorting the clothes. I think the fatigue may be holding on because of the cold in my nose!

The Pity Party

January 28, 2011

Today I can talk about my pity party, yesterday I couldn’t. I guess looking back it was kind of silly but when you don’t feel well every little thing can set the wheels in motion for a pity party. Believe me it was something so small it amasses me that the other person just couldn’t let it go.
This week alone I have spent over eight hours at the clinic, from having my picc line dressing changed to waiting to have an ultra sound to all the other stuff. Still not feeling good from the last chemo treatment, I grew more and more tired and irritable. Now I’m not one to say anything, I can usually roll with the punches but yesterday I couldn’t, I really don’t even know where it came from, out of my mouth I guess.

While being checked in to see the doctor or anything I needed to do at the infusion center I first have to go through the nurses’ station. They take your blood pressure, check your pulse and weigh you in. Now I had been there three times this week and each time I explained to them that they couldn’t take my blood pressure. When you have had lymph nodes removed you can’t have blood pressure or blood test or anything on that arm every again so that leaves them my left arm to torture. Well on this day my left arm has a blood clot and an infection so probably not a good idea. She was ok with that but insisted on weighing me, what, you just weight me yesterday, and the day before! The older nurse turned red in the face and screamed “Mary just shut up and go with the program” wow, I think she too was having a bad day. The younger nurse was embarrassed so I chose to leave it alone and got weighed.

Once the doctor confirmed that I had an infection and left the room I decided it was time for me to just cry. My sister was with me and I apologized to her for having to be the one I cried on. I explained to her that usually I have one of the kids with me and I have to be strong for them but I guess I knew it was ok to have a pity party with her as my guest.

When my appointment with the doctor was wrapping up I ask him if I had to be weighed every time I came in, he said no, it’s your right to chose not to. I explained how irritated it made me to have to get on those scales day after day. Being silly he said he would make sure to tell them I needed to be weighted twice a day, we laughed and continued our check out process. Again I found myself in the office of the check in nurse, she gives me an appointment slip and says wait, he had something on his doctors order. She reads out loud, Please weight Mary twice a day. She then knew I had said something to him, I couldn’t believe he had written that on my chart. I thought it was pretty funny, but I don’t think she did. Oh well!

Footprints

January 27, 2011

I had an appointment scheduled to see my oncologists at 2:00 today and I was happy to get an opportunity to see him and ask some questions. As I was looking in the mirror I noticed that my arm with the picc line and now the blood clot looked red and swollen. I became very anxious and infection was my first thought, O Lord what next? I had to take a moment and tell myself that God is with me. I have had a problem feeling God close to me, I can’t explain it but I have struggled. It’s a feeling of despair that I can only explain as being so sick that I’ve been lost in the illness.
Sure enough the doctor confirmed that my arm was now infected and that the pic line needed to be removed. This thing has given me problems from the day they put it in; I was more than ready for them to remove it. He explained that It looked like I was allergic to the pic line and that is why I have had so many problems. He also confirmed that the clot was small and it shouldn’t give me any problems and then he said the words I had waited for, No more CHEMO! He believes it is doing me more harm than good and the treatments I did receive should be efficient. I couldn’t praise God enough! I had been so worried about my last chemo treatment I wasn’t sure if I could do it one more time.
Now I have been released to the radiologist for the next five weeks, and I’m ready. I have a short break before my first appointment so I hope I can get back to feeling good before starting the next phase of my treatment. I guess the side effects from radiation are nothing compared to the chemo, thank God!
As I sit and think about how hard the last couple days have been, it reminds me of a familiar poem and know that God has been carrying me.

Footprints

One night I had a dream--I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord and across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints, one belonged to me and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of my life flashed before me,I looked back at the footprints in the sand.I noticed that many times along the path of my life,there was only one set of footprints.I also noticed that it happened at the very lowestand saddest times in my life. This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,you would walk with me all the way,but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my lifethere is only one set of footprints. "I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,you should leave me." The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trial and suffering. "When you saw only one set of footprints,it was then that I carried you."...Mary Stevenson

Trouble, Trouble, Trouble

Have you ever felt like you take ten steps forward and twenty steps back? After having a good day yester day, I woke this morning feeling quite awful. I had a pain in my arm, the one with the picc line. I first I thought I had sleep on it and made it sore but it wasn’t long before I knew it was something more. I waited for the clinic to open and was instructed to come in at 12:30; well it was 8:00 in the morning so the nurse must have not been too worried about it? Once again I called on Jake, I was going to drive myself but the kids didn’t like that idea. No doctor in today so I saw a nice lady they call a nurse practitioner. I was happy it wasn’t the weekend and I would have had to call the on call doctor, that usually my luck.
So they sent me for an ultra sound, only problem was they couldn’t get me in until 2:30, it was going to be a long day. The ultra sound seemed to take forever and sure enough I had one of the side effects I had read about. A bold clot, I couldn’t believe it, another bump in the road. It all sounded pretty alarming but they reassured me that they could give me blood thinners to dissolve the clot. One of the meds is in the form of a shot that I have to give myself in my tummy, sounds gross but I can do it the needle is kind of small. I guess in a couple days they will have to remove my picc line, and that could cause some problems for my last chemo treatment. I see my oncologist tomorrow so we’ll see what he has up his sleeve this time.

Slug Bug

January 25, 2011

Today I drove my car! I haven’t driven my car in, I’m not sure how long but I did today and it felt good. I’m not sure how to explain it but it made me feel like the person I was before I started this journey. Not that I don’t like the person I am now, I do, but the way I used to feel and the things I could do. I know I will be that person again but it’s nice to be able to just feel good even if it’s only for a short time. Another blessing, never take my health for granted, we never know what tomorrow brings so we need to enjoy every day that we have been given. I drove to Natures Market to pick up my vitamins and my weakness for shoes took me to the shoe store. They had a sale going on so how can a girl resist! I thought I would just look but ended up buying two pairs, I really don’t need any more shoes but I really like them. (I will tell you about my shoes someday, but I like purses even more) As I was leaving the store I spotted a rack full of scarves and a few hats. I’ve started to become picky about my hats and my new thing is scarves, I figured out how to tie them on my head and they are very comfortable and fun. I found four new scarves that are colorful and remind me of spring time.
I can hardly wait for nice weather so I can put the top down on my car and go for a drive. I would have to put my hair in a pony tail or tie it up on my head so the wind wouldn’t blow it in my face. I don’t think I will have that problem this spring or even summer!

Time With Jake

January 24, 2011

I can’t seem to get myself off of the nausea medication with this round of chemo. I was told that the new chemo medicine could cause more tummy problems and they were right, that’s exactly what they did. Being on the meds is not the end of the world but has kept me from my independence. They make me have a foggy medicine head so it’s not a good idea for me to drive my car. Even a quick trip to the store and I have to call someone to take me and be my driver, I don’t like to be Miss Daisy. I’ve been so independent for so long and I just hate asking, don’t ask me why. I think it’s another lesson for me to learn, it is ok to ask for help and not have to always be in control of everything.
So last week when I needed my picc line bandage changed my sister took me to my appointment, by Friday for some reason it started to bleed so my husband took me to the clinic before he headed to work. By Saturday morning it had bleed again? No one said why it’s doing this, only that it’s not good and I need to come in when it does. So I waited for Monday morning to arrive and once again was told to come in to get a fresh bandage. That made three bandages changes in just five days! Who could I bug now to give me a ride? Jake, my son-in-law! I wondered if he were busy? Jake has taken me to lots of appointments and he is dealing with a pretty severe health issue himself, I hate to bother him!
Although the trip to the clinic was short, Jake stayed by my side and even walked me to my door when we arrived home. I can see in his face the concern he has for me and I feel the love of a son when he is with me. Now who would have ever thought a son-in-law could feel this way about his mother-in-law? Just another blessing that I can count and one I will never take for granted!