I Praise You In This Storm

My mom had been sick for years with a birth defect of her heart. It was stressful watching her life, it was a rollercoaster. One day she was doing well the next thing you knew they were telling you she might not make it another week. Work was crazy; I had been promoted and was running the company I had been with for over 20 years. With the promotion came a new level of stress, managing people, purchasing, paper work and really late nights. With the sorrow I felt for my sick mother I buried my head in my work and there I stayed.
On August 27, 2007 my mother went home to be with the Lord. I retreated into a shell and stayed for the next year….
On November 30th 2008 due to the economy they closed the door on the business I poured my heart and soul into. Now what?

Life Goes On

On a summer night in 2006 I had went to the YMCA an attended a swim aerobic class, feeling refreshed but exhausted I quickly smeared lotion on my entire body, as I touched my right breast I felt something strange and different. Some type of familiar but indescribable fear shot through my soul. Not again?
Next morning I called the Breast Diagnostic center to make an appointment, I quickly let her know my concerns and she assured me that if I felt pain in the area it was most likely just a hormone thing. And after all was done that was exactly what it was. My breast had fibroids in them, harmless rubbery lumps that would swell and shrink around the different times of the month. So life went on.

Pink

My favorite color was pink and I hated it that everything that promoted breast cancer was pink! I had this sense that if I stayed away from anything that had to do with breast cancer awareness that I would not be affected by the disease. Don’t ask me why, just some silly thought I kept. So if I stayed away from pink, I started menstruating at 12 years old, had my babies young and breast feed each one of them, I had done everything right to put me in a low risk category for getting breast cancer. Besides breast cancer doesn’t run in my family, no one as far back as I knew had ever had to deal with breast cancer.

Lumpy Boobs

It was 1985 when I had a routine physical exam that sent me to the mammogram machine. That was a joke; twenty five year olds don’t need mammograms. Well the doctor decided it would be a good idea because my breasts were dense and lumpy whatever that meant? Nothing came of it and I went about my life. For some reason that mammogram haunted me, but why.
As the years went by I started having my yearly routine mammogram and every time they would scare the crap out of me! They could never just do the test and send me on my way, they always had to do an ultra sound or have the doctor look at the results to see if we needed to biopsy one of these lumps that had been there forever. No one really ever talked to me much about why they always had a concern and I always just wrote it off to lumpy boobs that they weren’t sure of.

My Story

I started blogging when I returned to school. I had no idea what I was doing and had to create a short blog for a grade. I still know little about what I'm doing, but I will learn as I go. I'm now going into the fifth month of my cancer and have had quite a rough ride. I'm tired of the TV, my Kindle, and staring at the ceiling. I haven't felt like doing much more, don't get me wrong I have had a few good hours and even a couple good days. So, for my friends and family, I decided to put it in writing!

The Garden 2009

In 1988 I found our house. I knew it was the one the first time I saw it. You may think it's silly, but I saw it in a dream. It was just perfect, with everything I had ever wanted. Natural wood threw out the entire house. A big family room, fireplace, and two bathrooms, well you get the picture.
Thinking back now I don't remember the first year we planted a garden, but I'm sure it was in the first few years after we moved in. It started out small, but grew bigger year after year.
I always wanted a flower garden, but my husband always said, "if we can't eat it its a waste of garden space." So I gave up on the flower idea and learned how to love the vegetable garden.
Soon a new tradition was born. Every year late in the summer, when the zucchini squash became ripe we had everyone over for fried zucchini. I remember one year they didn't grow for some reason? So I had to go to the market to purchase the squash. That's me I love a get together. I'm not sure why I enjoy it, it's a lot of work. Slicing,breading, and frying.
This year we were faced with the possibility that we might lose our house. About six months after I lost my job, things went from bad to scary. My husband has two jobs, and because of the economy, had his hours cut back. We had excepted the fact that we would have to become renters again. Wow! After all these years. I had to tell myself, its just a house. I could convince myself that it was just sentimental.
In the early spring, my father-in-law stumbled over his feet and took quite a fall. He and his wife had been doing OK, except his memory had started to go away. My husband had to go stay with them and try to nurse his dad back. Despite all his efforts his dad had to be placed in a home.
Then one morning he looked at me with doubt in his eyes and said, "looks like I won't plant the garden this year." Why would we possibly plant a garden in a yard that was attached to a house that we would soon have to leave?
A few days later I received a call from the bank. They had a program for us under the modification programs. Home sweet home would stay sweet.
The following weekend my husband planted the garden. He isn't here much, but my son,daughter-in-law, and myself take care of it.
My husband spends most of his time at his parents house, now caring for his mom, and visiting his dad. Although his dad know longer knows who he is, or whats going on around him. Alzheimer's has robed them of their relationship, yet they smile together and share hours together that are to be cherished.
He calls often to make sure we haven't forgotten to water the garden. And when he comes home he goes straight to the garden to check on its progress and to pull a few weeds. Last week he harvested the peas and this week I have refrigerator full of green onions.
It won't be long now before we have our annual zucchini fry!

Summer '2009'

My name is Mary, I'm 53 years old and living the American Dream! I have to keep telling myself that,things have sure changed.
Less than a year ago, the company I had been employed with for 25 years shut down. The business had been affected way before the rest of the world. We were Pet Supply wholesalers. When the box stores moved in back in the 90's (pet smart, pet co) the mom and pop stores started to suffer. One by one we watched them go away. Its just like everything else, the corporations put all the little guys out. Our little family owned business was also gone.
So now, what was I to do? My skills were so out of date. As I started my job search, reality set in. What kind of a job would I qualify for? That's when I knew I needed a new start. Wow! A new start a 53 years old.
In January of 2009, I started attending school at GRCC. When I started my confidence level was good. Soon after it was gone. Things have sure changed. My biggest challenge was the computers. While I was selecting next months dog toys, the world was passing me by.
That brings us to now. I'm doing this blog for a class that I'm taking this summer. I'm in my third quarter, and things are getting better. My instructors are wonderful this quarter. Very supportive and helpful. Last quarter was a nightmare ( do research on the instructor). They should also have a class on financial aid. So many hoops to jump through, and you never get the same answer. They almost make you feel like your in a welfare line. You are at their mercy.
Then I started to wonder, why did I take classes during the summer? I could have taken the summer off for the first time in who knows how many years. Then I remembered why. The American Dream? Am I forgetting that no matter where I am in life how blessed I am?