The Pity Party

January 28, 2011

Today I can talk about my pity party, yesterday I couldn’t. I guess looking back it was kind of silly but when you don’t feel well every little thing can set the wheels in motion for a pity party. Believe me it was something so small it amasses me that the other person just couldn’t let it go.
This week alone I have spent over eight hours at the clinic, from having my picc line dressing changed to waiting to have an ultra sound to all the other stuff. Still not feeling good from the last chemo treatment, I grew more and more tired and irritable. Now I’m not one to say anything, I can usually roll with the punches but yesterday I couldn’t, I really don’t even know where it came from, out of my mouth I guess.

While being checked in to see the doctor or anything I needed to do at the infusion center I first have to go through the nurses’ station. They take your blood pressure, check your pulse and weigh you in. Now I had been there three times this week and each time I explained to them that they couldn’t take my blood pressure. When you have had lymph nodes removed you can’t have blood pressure or blood test or anything on that arm every again so that leaves them my left arm to torture. Well on this day my left arm has a blood clot and an infection so probably not a good idea. She was ok with that but insisted on weighing me, what, you just weight me yesterday, and the day before! The older nurse turned red in the face and screamed “Mary just shut up and go with the program” wow, I think she too was having a bad day. The younger nurse was embarrassed so I chose to leave it alone and got weighed.

Once the doctor confirmed that I had an infection and left the room I decided it was time for me to just cry. My sister was with me and I apologized to her for having to be the one I cried on. I explained to her that usually I have one of the kids with me and I have to be strong for them but I guess I knew it was ok to have a pity party with her as my guest.

When my appointment with the doctor was wrapping up I ask him if I had to be weighed every time I came in, he said no, it’s your right to chose not to. I explained how irritated it made me to have to get on those scales day after day. Being silly he said he would make sure to tell them I needed to be weighted twice a day, we laughed and continued our check out process. Again I found myself in the office of the check in nurse, she gives me an appointment slip and says wait, he had something on his doctors order. She reads out loud, Please weight Mary twice a day. She then knew I had said something to him, I couldn’t believe he had written that on my chart. I thought it was pretty funny, but I don’t think she did. Oh well!