The Fear of Being Closed In

Claustrophobia is usually described as a fear of enclosed places. A more accurate description might be 'a fear of not having an easy escape route' because for anyone who experiences this phobia this is the predominating feature - you feel a need to be able to get out or get home, quickly.

I’ve always been uncomfortable riding in an elevator and trips by plane make me a little uneasy but I never would have considered myself claustrophobic? I found this description and still have a hard time identifying with it.

Almost nine months ago when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer my surgeon wanted me to have a breast MRI, no big deal right! That’s what I thought but was I ever wrong. Having the procedure puts you into a very enclosed space and is very loud as the machine does its job taking pictures that can only be seen with the images that it produces. As you can imagine this can be very beneficial when trying to see small spots that might be hiding in the very complicated tissue of the breast.

So what happened was this, I had no idea I would have problems when I arrived for my MRI? My son-in-law and I laughed and joked on our way to the appointment but I was really good at putting on a happy face in the midst of all this. Every test I had made me uneasy with the fear of them finding something new looming over my head. Anyway, this test is a little different than a regular MRI, you lay on your tummy and each breast has like a hole it goes into and then kind of clamped in, then they put head phones on so you don’t hear the loud clanking of the machine. When the test begins the machine starts moving you into the enclosed tube backwards. I felt tied down and began to have a panic feeling, I tried to talk myself out of whatever was happening to me but my heart started to race and I knew I had lost. I quickly started pushing the panic button they had given me and the test was stopped before it was ever started. Now what? They rescheduled the test and I would take sedation before trying again. A week later the test was repeated with mild sedation and was still difficult, but I did it!

The results of the test were soon in and showed several little spots that were determined to be benign, so that was that.

So a week ago I receive a friendly message in the mail to let me know it‘s time for me to repeat my breast MRI. Are you kidding me, it feels like I just did that! Seems they want to look at all the little benign spots to make sure none of them have changed. As much as I don’t want to do this again I know it’s for my own good to make sure we know what is going on in theses boobs that tried to kill me once already. This time would be much easier knowing that I needed to be sedated before the procedure would make this trip a breeze.

I was instructed to arrive at my appointment an hour early so that I could first check in and be able to sign all the important papers. Once I was checked in I asked if I should take the little pill that was going to put me in a relaxed state for the procedure and most likely the rest of the day. I had requested something stronger this time and when giving the green flag I put the little pill in my mouth and washed it down with a big gulp of water.

The little yellow pill had not had the chance to take affect when the nurse called my name and had me put on the familiar gown and answer questions about allergic reactions. During this procedure an IV port is placed in your arm and during the imaging a contrast is pushed into you vein and dyes the tissue. Soon the man running the machine came to the waiting area and explained that he would have to reschedule my test because of a recent reaction I had to a new medication. I would have to be pre medicated with steroids and Benadryl OK?

I waited for a call from the center to reschedule the appointment and received a call yesterday. The woman on the phone explained that there had been a misunderstanding and they thought I had a reaction to the contrast dye. I had told her I had no problem with it the first time but between those who made the decision they had a miscommunication.

So I spent two days this week trying to get over the sedation from the test that didn’t happen. Oh well, I will do it again next week and just have to go with it, this time I will be sure to ask if all is well before I take that little yellow pill..

I Call Myself Blessed And All Is Well

May 22, 2011

Six weeks have passed from the day of my last radiation treatment; boy was I happy to get that over with! I was really excited the day when I walked away from that hospital, all my hopes and dreams seen to return and I knew it was time to try to get things back to normal. It seemed easy in my head but in real life nothing was going to come easy just yet. I think I slept the next two weeks and felt like I would never be able to stay awake again.

As the burns on my breast started to heal so did my body and mind and once I could wear a bra again I started venturing out more and more. Funny how when you have been that sick it seems that things seem to stand still. I was lying in my bed looking up at the ceiling when I noticed cob webs above my head, ok, that's enough, time to get this body moving. Although it all seems so oerwhelming I try to make myself finish at least one task a day, some days are better than others and I get more accomplished.

I have been so blesssed with my family and friends that continue to be with me still making sure of all my needs. In the last few days I have started the last part of my treatment in the form of a pill that I will have to take for the next 5 years. It has some undesirable side effects that I am not expecting for myself because if I feel that way I won't have them, right?

Now as I start to get my life going again I want to thank all of you for your loving care and all the prayers, I will stay in touch.

Let The Sun Shine

May 1, 2011
Looks like the sun has decided to make an appearance today! We had such a long cold and dark winter; I’m more than ready for summer this year. The day before Easter was so nice and it put me in the best mood, maybe I have a bit of that seasonal thing they talk about when not having much light can affect your mood. Who knows, I do know that when the sun shines it seems to make things brighter and put everyone in a better mood.

Seasonal Affective Disorder also called SAD is a type of depression that occurs at the same time every year. People that have this disorder have symptoms that start in the fall and continue into the winter months. I myself love the fall when the leaves start to change colors and you can feel a nip in the air. Right now I’m not at all interested in thinking about the fall; I’m much more interested in the blooming flowers and warm summer sun.

When I was a kid I would spend hours at the beach basking in the sun, I never had the type of skin that would tan; I always ended up with the worse sun burns and never thought a thing of it.

Now days all we hear about is the dangers of the sun and to use lots of sun screen. The sun is our main source of vitamin D so it is so important that we get whatever we can and to let it shine on us without sunscreen so that it can penetrate our skin and release some good O” vitamin D.

So when I was diagnosed with breast cancer they checked my vitamin D levels and my count was at a 9! What was it suppose to be? Seems it should be at least 30 but even better would be 50 to 60. I then learned that many deceases may be caused from lack of vitamin D, like MS, breast cancer and many more. People living in beautiful Washington State should all have their vitamin D levels checked.

Now we have to do a juggling act to make sure we protect our skin from the damaging rays from the sun at the same time making sure to get enough sun to make some vitamin D. They say 15 minutes will do the trick, so before putting on that sunscreen sit or play in the sun for at least 15 minutes every day. You can even get sun rays when we have clouds but most people living in this neck of the woods should take a vitamin D supplement. At your next doctor’s appointment I would ask him or her to check your vitamin D levels just to be on the safe side.

Today with spring in the air and summer just around the corner I look forward to lots of fun in the sun!