Whispers

March 27, 2011

I’m so ready to be normal again! Whatever normal is I could sure use something close. Here I sit with one boob that looks like it has seen way to much sun with the rest of me looking lily white. Oh well they say in time it will be back to its normal color and my body parts will all match again.

Last week I decided I would venture out in public without a head cover, no hat and no wig. I still have very little hair, but it’s there and I’m kind of excited about it. While I was at my radiation appointment it didn’t seem to faze any of them so on my way home I stopped at sports authority to see about buying an abs lounger. I was no sooner out of my car when I could feel the eyes of the people around me staring and wondering. I started wondering myself what could they be thinking, they have to know that it’s from cancer treatment but then again maybe they don’t know? I tried to remember how I looked at people who were different before my diagnoses, and I guess it’s hard because unless you have been there you don’t know. The young guy they sent to help me in the exercise equipment department had a look on his face of fear. I could only imagine what he was thinking? He let me know they didn’t have what I was looking for and maybe I should go to Wal-Mart. Not a very pushy sales guy? I remembered how I used to think that people lost their hair because of the cancer and didn’t know it was because of the treatment they have to go through. Maybe he thought I had something contagious?

I’m not sure what I was thinking when I went out today without covering my head. I truly don’t like to be noticed and today I was not only noticed but was the topic of many whispers. I guess it’s ok because now I know what it’s like to be different and I can look at the rest of the world in a different way now. Not one of us knows what tomorrow will bring or what hurdles we will have to go over. Our life’s can change in the blink of an eye and we can be the one that is different. Although my hair will grow back and I will blend into the crowd again, I will always remember to be different is a gift from God that only makes us stronger and more compassionate to others.

Lobster

March 22, 2011
With another week underway I have two more treatments behind me with just ten more to go! I’m headed down the home stretch and can’t wait to cross the finish line.

I see a Radiologist every Monday and really thought that this week she would choose to postpone my treatment for a few days to let my skin rest but she said we would just go along with it.

If I was to describe what my skin looks like I would have to say it looks like an over cooked lobster and then some.

On Thursday this week I go back to see the Oncologist, even though I like the man as a person I hate to go to his office, it brings back all those chemotherapy memories and that’s the creepiest thing ever. I guess he will follow me for the next five years to make sure I stay cancer free.

T.G.I.F.

March 18, 2011

You have no idea how happy I am that today is Friday! The end to another week of treatment, 18 down 12 more to go and we won’t even talk about what my skin looks like now. The good news is the fatigue is getting better, as hard as it is to make myself get up and ride that exercise bike I know it’s one of the things that give me more energy.

I also started juicing, it sounded so gross to mix all those veggies together but with a little fruit added you never taste the mixture of good for you veggies. I’m still struggling with the extra weight I put on during chemo, I guess the steroids contribute to that but I just keep trying. The doctor said I’m too hard on myself and to give it more time but it’s hard when you can’t fit in your clothes.

So hope you join me is hoping for a weekend that lasts, for whatever reason.

Fight Like a Girl

Today I finished radiation treatment number fourteen, that makes sixteen more to go. I now have burns and blisters that cover my breast and chest area but buy far this is much easier then the chemo treatments. The chemotherapy made me sick and I lost sight of how important the treatments were.

The radiation might be hard but is much needed to insure that the cancer dosen't have a chance to return. It’s been six months of surgery and treatment and it feels like an eternity but I am thankful.

Radiation causes some fatigue but this to will be over soon and is just a short part of the journey that will help me to one day call myself a cancer survivor.

My Hubby

My husband Brian has been busy working his rear off; I call him the energizer bunny. He works two jobs and plays his drums in a local band on some weekends. Playing the drums is his hobby now and he enjoys being able to entertain, its makes him happy and gives him time with his friends and a break from the everyday stuff.

I have to say I was quite worried about him when I was first diagnosed; he was so pulled between making sure he worked enough hours to make ends meet and cover the medical bills. At the same time he worked hard to try and be with me for my surgeries and major treatments. In 2010 Brian lost both of his parents within a six week period and then had his wife diagnosed with breast cancer all in the same year.

Today he took me to an appointment in downtown Seattle; I used to do sales calls all over Seattle but am just not sure enough of myself just yet. I’m thankful for his caring boss who allows him to take the time to be with me for the hard stuff.

I have finished 10 radiation treatments so far and have had some reaction, the first week my skin looked a little pink. The second week I looked a little more like I had a sunburn and after yesterdays treatment my skin has began to blister. They are a little taken back by my reactions so soon, but that’s just me, always have to do it my way. I never know exactly what to expect next but I’m thankful for my husband and I think I’ll keep him.

Ground Hog Day

March 4, 2011
Another week has come and gone and I now have eight radiation treatments behind me, just twenty two more to go! I have to say this week reminds me of the movie Ground Hogs Day, if you’ve seen the movie you’ll know what I’m talking about. If not, it's about a guy that's day gets repeated time and time again. If I’m going to have side effects from this treatment it hasn’t happened yet so I’ve decided I’m not going to have any. I have little stuff happening like a bit of swelling and red skin and I can live with that.